Reaching out for help is a sign of bravery. Not weakness.

Babs Walters is a speaker, advocate, and author as well as a survivor of domestic violence and childhood sexual abuse. She brings difficult subjects to the surface through the power of storytelling. With a Masters’ in Counseling Human Relations, Walters developed creative, healing, journal-writing workshops for women in alcohol and drug recovery. "Facing the Jaguar" is her memoir.

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Dear Teenage Me,

You are feeling so many complicated and conflicting things right now. It seems like you will never get clear about which of those feelings are your own, your friends, or your parents. 

All these expectations and demands can seem overwhelming. Which is actually good news. I wish someone would have told when I was your age that these confusing feelings continue throughout life. And working through this time is good practice for what’s ahead.

Of course, I would not have believed or listened to them. It all feels so permanent when you’re going through it. Doesn’t it? Each issue seems like a life and death matter. No date for the big dance. Being left out of plans by a group of friends. A borderline grade in a critical subject. Not getting accepted into your first-choice school. A breakup you didn’t see coming. A breakout right before your sister’s wedding. Or worse, when to have sex, family fighting at home, having to take sides or keep secrets. You get the idea.

While the large and even the small events are all important, here’s what matters most right now. Your emotional pain is important. If you’re going through something difficult, don’t ever let someone make you feel as though it’s not real. People may say things like “this will pass” or “get over it.” Healing is a journey. Not a destination. These emotions are part of your journey. They are there to help you better understand yourself and learn what you need next.

It might seem now like the circumstances of your life are out of your control. I think you’ll be surprised when you look back at just how much power you do have within you. The things you say to yourself, for example, can help reframe both a situation and the outcomes. Be kind to you. Practice self-talk the way you would speak to a good friend or someone you love. 

Then too, it’s okay to seek or ask for help. You don’t have to carry the weight of a problem all by yourself. Reaching out for help is a sign of bravery. Not weakness. Having someone to listen without judgment, acting as a witness for you, can be the best pain reliever. And even when there is no trustworthy person around, you can find like-minded sisters in books. It can feel like they are talking directly to you. Their words of understanding can show you that you are not alone. Other heroines have been in similar situations before. And when people or books are not available, try journaling. In privacy you can express what’s going on. No need to worry about grammar or punctuation. Free style, stream of consciousness writing works best here. Don’t lose your voice.

As you mature, you’ll better understand that you are so much more than your past. No matter what has happened, remember that you don’t need to be perfect to be worthy. Of love. Of respect. Of happiness. Also remember, no one has the right to harm your mind, body or spirit. You deserve to feel safe, especially at home, school and church.

I want to tell you from where I stand now that you are not done making mistakes. But you are smarter and stronger than you realize. You will continue to face difficult challenges throughout life. And even if you can’t see how today, you will come out the other side. Give yourself the time and space you deserve to heal. Then find your voice and light the way for others. Nothing gives more meaning and purpose to life, than using the lessons you’ve learned to make a greater impact.

When you’re standing in darkness, it’s hard to see a clearing where things are better and brighter. Yet here is my promise. If you keep dreaming and believing in yourself, you will find a life that is worthy of you. Hold on even during the hardest of days. Your unique life and story matters.

With love and understanding,

A much older version of you.

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Babs Walters is a speaker, advocate, and author as well as a survivor of domestic violence and childhood sexual abuse.

She brings difficult subjects to the surface through the power of storytelling. With a Masters’ in Counseling Human Relations, Walters developed creative, healing, journal-writing workshops for women in alcohol and drug recovery. During her corporate career, she led workshops on Preventing Sexual Harassment and continues to teach women to raise their voices today. "Facing the Jaguar" is her memoir. Babs lives in Florida where she teaches Jazzercize and enjoys time with family. Learn more about her life and work at www.babswalters.com