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In my family, there are many similar things between us regarding how we look. We all have very similar hair textures and hair colors. Similar facial structures, eye color, and even a lot of the things we’re interested in, so I’d say we are similar in mind as well.
Even though we all are pretty similar in those ways. I can't help but feel jealous. I feel jealous of the way my sister looks. I'm jealous of her body, her mind, her height, her nose, and most of all, jealous of how easy it is for her to take what I want.
I know that this jealousy isn’t good for me. As author Alexander Solzhenitsyn once wrote, “Our envy of others devours us most of all.” I’ve never related to something as much as I relate to that quote. I'm irrevocably envious of my sister, my blood. Someone I look up to and will always continue to because she’s my older sister. The best there will ever be.
I can't help but feel like I want to change myself. My jealousy stems from always being compared to how beautiful my sister is. I am not the only one. So often, jealousy is driven by low self-esteem. Perhaps that’s why jealousy is common…and so complicated. It's so easy to fall down that rabbit hole of insecurities, feeling like you're not good enough.
That’s why it’s so important to cherish those moments where you do feel like enough. For me, it’s the shape of my eye. I'd never want to change my eye shape. It’s the only thing that makes me different from the rest of my siblings. Just as importantly, I know my grandpa has the same eye shape. I can't help but feel connected to him every time our eye shape is mentioned and compared. It’s the only time that this sort of comparison makes me feel proud instead of jealous.
